There was a bright light. What it meant, I’ll never know. The tunnel seemed to go on for an eternity. In reality, it only lasted the blink of an eye...
The sun kissed my face as I reached the end of the slide on that hot summer day. My face turned red almost instantly as I pulled my flowing hair away from my eyes. Even now I’m still unsure if I was flushed from the heat or from that beautiful smile yelling “You’re it!”
Jamie was my best friend and freeze tag was our favorite game. Somehow, Tyler always managed to take away some of the fun. He never chased me. Whenever Jamie did he would leave me frozen. All in all, I suppose I didn’t mind. For those few minutes, time stopped. I got to admire her running across the playground from afar until the sun set and it was time to head home.
That bright light opened all of our eyes to the worst realization. Nap time was over. Always the late bloomer, I was one of the last to awaken. Our classroom looked like an illustration straight out of the magic school bus; vibrant and full of life. A castle of blocks stood tall in all its glory with Queen Jamie beside it; a paper crown atop her head. The guys were all going crazy over her. One would’ve sworn I was one of them until they put the tiara on my head and brought me over. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her, even when Nick shoved me into the castle. I destroyed her thrown yet all she did was extend her hand to me with that gap-toothed grin of hers. She exclaimed, “Don’t let them push you around, Riley!” That never stopped them. Eventually I stood up for myself. I wrestled Nick to the floor until the teacher came to pull us apart.
A giant fluffy white pillow pounded into my face. Feathers flew around as if I was in a giant bird’s nest. Those were the most fun fights I ever had. Jamie and her neighbor Allison jumped back and forth from bed to floor laughing until they could hardly breathe. They always wanted to play with these plastic dolls with luscious blonde hair, blue eyes, and perfectly arched feet. I swear those toys were like the Kardashian’s of the 90s. I observed from a corner of the room as they pulled out the dream house, the jeep, and all the other frilly Barbie paraphernalia. Allison could see my blatant disinterest and thereby passed me a Ken doll and dismissed me saying, “You’re so weird.” Jamie never did that. Instead she’d pluck flowers from one of her mother’s vases and play pretend as we made up childish marital vows. “I’ll love you to forever and beyond!” I always played the Ken to her Barbie, but part of me wished it was real. Her mother came to tuck us in at night. I was deathly afraid of the dark but too prideful to admit I had a night light. Jamie held my hand until I felt safe enough to close my eyes.
A moment of darkness, the very thing I fear most. I woke to that radiant beam of light from the sun staring down at my beaten face. They kicked me while I was down. Life always had a funny way of doing that, in every sense. Blood leaked from my swollen lip. Nick, now with muscles and a bit of fuzz growing over his upper lip, berated me in front of a crowd of my peers. They chanted in unison, “Freak!” All I wanted to do was use the bathroom. Apparently it wasn’t socially acceptable for me to walk into the bathroom I felt most comfortable in because of these two mosquito bites on my chest. God, why did you give me those cursed things? My hair I could cut, but boobs? There’s no hiding these. I limped my way into the women’s restroom. Never before had I felt so out of place. One glance at myself in the mirror was like staring into the eyes of a stranger. Face swollen. Broken spirit behind my glossy eyes. I was unrecognizable, not that I ever knew who I was in the first place. Nobody knew me. Nobody understood. Alas, one person cared to try. Jamie’s right hand clasped my shoulder, her left wiped my tears. She tugged me along and led me out of the restroom.
A glowing, blank, white paper rested atop my desk. The teacher in front of the class made about as much sense as every adult in a Charlie Brown movie. The tests were being distributed row by row. All the while, my anxiety was going through the roof. My mind was everywhere and nowhere all at once. I’ve never been good with tests or under pressure at all for that matter. Just last week we took the Myers-Briggs Personality Test. This time it’s about careers. How can anyone know who they are at this age, let alone what they want to do with their life? I had enough struggle identifying my own gender. I guess when you’re a jock or a nerd it’s simpler to figure out; but what about the rest of us left stranded in the middle? We shouldn’t have to do this. It’s like dropping us at a fork in the road and forcing us to choose a path when we don’t have to know our destination for at least another five years. I was sweating bullets. As the test neared me it was like watching headlights coming at you in a one way tunnel. There’s no way out. I dropped my pen and caught Jamie’s eyes across the aisle glaring at me as I froze in panic. The chick in the desk behind me nudged my shoulder. “You gonna pass it or not?” I took a sheet and handed the rest over. Jamie mouthed, “You can do this” as she picked up my pen and handed it to me. I stroked the page.
Strobe lights flickered. Loud music blared. I nearly lost my hearing that night. Jamie waffled my hand as we walked through the crowd of college ravers. There’s no counting how many drinks we had that night but I definitely had a low tolerance. Despite all of the blur and confusion, one thing was clear; Jamie was the most mesmerizing view there. Her eyes shined brighter than all the glow sticks and glitter combined. We danced the night away. I never wanted to let go but surely enough one of her fraternity friends saw fit to steal her away for a moment. Or, at least what I thought was a moment. Soon I found myself lost in that wild crowd and my head throbbed louder than the speakers. Thank God for the guy in the rabbit costume who offered me those pain killers. He asked, “You want to get out of here?” I was more than eager to get away. He seemed trustworthy enough. No guy had ever been this nice to me before. Although the pills he had seemed to only make me drowsy. The back seat of his car seemed as good a place as any to try to relax. He was even nice enough to lay down with me. He held me close. Closer than anyone ever had before…
Red emergency lights flashed outside the windows of the ambulance. It was cold. Perhaps because all I had was a blanket covering those stupid mosquito bites of mine. Where were my clothes? Why is Jamie crying? Why does everything hurt?
Fluorescent lights hummed as I filled in the last couple of bubbles on my scantron. The classroom was empty apart from me and my professor. So quiet, you heard my pen drop as I finished. I appreciated that he allowed me to retake my final with all the chaos I’d gone through that year. I looked over my test one last time. A long road got me to this point. This, however, was the first time nobody was there to hold my hand. My sweaty palms placed the completed test on my professor’s desk. His blank stare slowly curved its way to a soft smile. Finally, the break I needed. “Congratulations, Riley. Can’t wait to hear your speech at graduation.”
As I stepped onto that stage I felt more alone than ever. This time, it was a good thing. The spot light and all eyes were on me. I made it to this day. No distractions. No ridicule as I stood in my suit and tie. Nobody called me weird or a freak. Today I was Doctor Riley Jefferson. “I’ve learned life is a series of doors opening and closing. Both blinded and motivated by many lights at the end of many tunnels spread in every directions possible. It’s up to you to make the best of what’s on the other end of each one. Face the darkness, find the light in every situation and keep going through to the finish.”
Candle lit lounge. Soothing acoustic music. A sense of calm I’ve never felt before. Under my arm was this beautiful redhead, Scarlet. She ran her hand through my buzz cut hair-do and laid her head into my ace bandaged chest. The only boobs I had to spaz over seeing these days were Scarlet’s. My voice even gained some bass. Why couldn’t life always be this wonderful? I feel so complacent. This is me. I rose to retrieve a couple drinks from the bar. A cosmo for my lady and Jack on the rocks for yours truly. Perfect date. Perfect libations. Then the perfect woman bumped into me. Timing is everything. Jamie and I were always in sync, even with my new persona. My head raced, “She couldn’t possibly recognize me now. Not like this.” To my surprise she nearly leapt into my arms. In that instant, time froze again. This time I wasn’t admiring from afar. She was up close and personal in my grasp. I wouldn’t have let go if Scarlet hadn’t pried us apart with her jarring words and accusations. I hadn’t been slapped that hard since that ass beating in high school. She stormed out of the bar and I had no intention of chasing her. The only woman I wanted to go after had now fallen into my lap almost literally. We caught up on lost time. Adult conversation over adult beverages but it felt like childhood all over again. Nothing could go wrong this time, right? There’s some reason our doors opened, closed, and led to this moment. It seemed like our time to shine until I caught the glistening sparkle of the engagement ring on her hand. One more drink for the road.
Street lights illuminated my tear-filled face flushed from the alcohol just as much as the heartbreak. Keys jingled in my hand. Jamie chased behind me but this time I wasn’t frozen. I chose to run away. This was the hardest test I ever took. Life was the toughest class I ever enrolled in. She caught up to me. “You’re it.” She noticed my tears, wiped them, and removed her ring. Her lips planted tenderly on mine in a way no one ever had before. We smiled together. “You’ve always been it, Riley.” She poked my chest and retreated giddily. She wanted me to chase her. Our drunken game of tag led to a clumsy fall into the street just as an oncoming car approached. The headlights grew bigger with every passing moment.
There was a bright light. What it meant, I’ll never know. The tunnel seemed to go on for an eternity. In reality, it only lasted the blink of an eye.
Blinding fluorescent lights welcomed me in the hospital room as I reached the end of the birth canal. Tiny infant me could never imagine what unfolds from here.
The sun kissed my face as I reached the end of the slide on that hot summer day. My face turned red almost instantly as I pulled my flowing hair away from my eyes. Even now I’m still unsure if I was flushed from the heat or from that beautiful smile yelling “You’re it!”
Jamie was my best friend and freeze tag was our favorite game. Somehow, Tyler always managed to take away some of the fun. He never chased me. Whenever Jamie did he would leave me frozen. All in all, I suppose I didn’t mind. For those few minutes, time stopped. I got to admire her running across the playground from afar until the sun set and it was time to head home.
That bright light opened all of our eyes to the worst realization. Nap time was over. Always the late bloomer, I was one of the last to awaken. Our classroom looked like an illustration straight out of the magic school bus; vibrant and full of life. A castle of blocks stood tall in all its glory with Queen Jamie beside it; a paper crown atop her head. The guys were all going crazy over her. One would’ve sworn I was one of them until they put the tiara on my head and brought me over. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her, even when Nick shoved me into the castle. I destroyed her thrown yet all she did was extend her hand to me with that gap-toothed grin of hers. She exclaimed, “Don’t let them push you around, Riley!” That never stopped them. Eventually I stood up for myself. I wrestled Nick to the floor until the teacher came to pull us apart.
A giant fluffy white pillow pounded into my face. Feathers flew around as if I was in a giant bird’s nest. Those were the most fun fights I ever had. Jamie and her neighbor Allison jumped back and forth from bed to floor laughing until they could hardly breathe. They always wanted to play with these plastic dolls with luscious blonde hair, blue eyes, and perfectly arched feet. I swear those toys were like the Kardashian’s of the 90s. I observed from a corner of the room as they pulled out the dream house, the jeep, and all the other frilly Barbie paraphernalia. Allison could see my blatant disinterest and thereby passed me a Ken doll and dismissed me saying, “You’re so weird.” Jamie never did that. Instead she’d pluck flowers from one of her mother’s vases and play pretend as we made up childish marital vows. “I’ll love you to forever and beyond!” I always played the Ken to her Barbie, but part of me wished it was real. Her mother came to tuck us in at night. I was deathly afraid of the dark but too prideful to admit I had a night light. Jamie held my hand until I felt safe enough to close my eyes.
A moment of darkness, the very thing I fear most. I woke to that radiant beam of light from the sun staring down at my beaten face. They kicked me while I was down. Life always had a funny way of doing that, in every sense. Blood leaked from my swollen lip. Nick, now with muscles and a bit of fuzz growing over his upper lip, berated me in front of a crowd of my peers. They chanted in unison, “Freak!” All I wanted to do was use the bathroom. Apparently it wasn’t socially acceptable for me to walk into the bathroom I felt most comfortable in because of these two mosquito bites on my chest. God, why did you give me those cursed things? My hair I could cut, but boobs? There’s no hiding these. I limped my way into the women’s restroom. Never before had I felt so out of place. One glance at myself in the mirror was like staring into the eyes of a stranger. Face swollen. Broken spirit behind my glossy eyes. I was unrecognizable, not that I ever knew who I was in the first place. Nobody knew me. Nobody understood. Alas, one person cared to try. Jamie’s right hand clasped my shoulder, her left wiped my tears. She tugged me along and led me out of the restroom.
A glowing, blank, white paper rested atop my desk. The teacher in front of the class made about as much sense as every adult in a Charlie Brown movie. The tests were being distributed row by row. All the while, my anxiety was going through the roof. My mind was everywhere and nowhere all at once. I’ve never been good with tests or under pressure at all for that matter. Just last week we took the Myers-Briggs Personality Test. This time it’s about careers. How can anyone know who they are at this age, let alone what they want to do with their life? I had enough struggle identifying my own gender. I guess when you’re a jock or a nerd it’s simpler to figure out; but what about the rest of us left stranded in the middle? We shouldn’t have to do this. It’s like dropping us at a fork in the road and forcing us to choose a path when we don’t have to know our destination for at least another five years. I was sweating bullets. As the test neared me it was like watching headlights coming at you in a one way tunnel. There’s no way out. I dropped my pen and caught Jamie’s eyes across the aisle glaring at me as I froze in panic. The chick in the desk behind me nudged my shoulder. “You gonna pass it or not?” I took a sheet and handed the rest over. Jamie mouthed, “You can do this” as she picked up my pen and handed it to me. I stroked the page.
Strobe lights flickered. Loud music blared. I nearly lost my hearing that night. Jamie waffled my hand as we walked through the crowd of college ravers. There’s no counting how many drinks we had that night but I definitely had a low tolerance. Despite all of the blur and confusion, one thing was clear; Jamie was the most mesmerizing view there. Her eyes shined brighter than all the glow sticks and glitter combined. We danced the night away. I never wanted to let go but surely enough one of her fraternity friends saw fit to steal her away for a moment. Or, at least what I thought was a moment. Soon I found myself lost in that wild crowd and my head throbbed louder than the speakers. Thank God for the guy in the rabbit costume who offered me those pain killers. He asked, “You want to get out of here?” I was more than eager to get away. He seemed trustworthy enough. No guy had ever been this nice to me before. Although the pills he had seemed to only make me drowsy. The back seat of his car seemed as good a place as any to try to relax. He was even nice enough to lay down with me. He held me close. Closer than anyone ever had before…
Red emergency lights flashed outside the windows of the ambulance. It was cold. Perhaps because all I had was a blanket covering those stupid mosquito bites of mine. Where were my clothes? Why is Jamie crying? Why does everything hurt?
Fluorescent lights hummed as I filled in the last couple of bubbles on my scantron. The classroom was empty apart from me and my professor. So quiet, you heard my pen drop as I finished. I appreciated that he allowed me to retake my final with all the chaos I’d gone through that year. I looked over my test one last time. A long road got me to this point. This, however, was the first time nobody was there to hold my hand. My sweaty palms placed the completed test on my professor’s desk. His blank stare slowly curved its way to a soft smile. Finally, the break I needed. “Congratulations, Riley. Can’t wait to hear your speech at graduation.”
As I stepped onto that stage I felt more alone than ever. This time, it was a good thing. The spot light and all eyes were on me. I made it to this day. No distractions. No ridicule as I stood in my suit and tie. Nobody called me weird or a freak. Today I was Doctor Riley Jefferson. “I’ve learned life is a series of doors opening and closing. Both blinded and motivated by many lights at the end of many tunnels spread in every directions possible. It’s up to you to make the best of what’s on the other end of each one. Face the darkness, find the light in every situation and keep going through to the finish.”
Candle lit lounge. Soothing acoustic music. A sense of calm I’ve never felt before. Under my arm was this beautiful redhead, Scarlet. She ran her hand through my buzz cut hair-do and laid her head into my ace bandaged chest. The only boobs I had to spaz over seeing these days were Scarlet’s. My voice even gained some bass. Why couldn’t life always be this wonderful? I feel so complacent. This is me. I rose to retrieve a couple drinks from the bar. A cosmo for my lady and Jack on the rocks for yours truly. Perfect date. Perfect libations. Then the perfect woman bumped into me. Timing is everything. Jamie and I were always in sync, even with my new persona. My head raced, “She couldn’t possibly recognize me now. Not like this.” To my surprise she nearly leapt into my arms. In that instant, time froze again. This time I wasn’t admiring from afar. She was up close and personal in my grasp. I wouldn’t have let go if Scarlet hadn’t pried us apart with her jarring words and accusations. I hadn’t been slapped that hard since that ass beating in high school. She stormed out of the bar and I had no intention of chasing her. The only woman I wanted to go after had now fallen into my lap almost literally. We caught up on lost time. Adult conversation over adult beverages but it felt like childhood all over again. Nothing could go wrong this time, right? There’s some reason our doors opened, closed, and led to this moment. It seemed like our time to shine until I caught the glistening sparkle of the engagement ring on her hand. One more drink for the road.
Street lights illuminated my tear-filled face flushed from the alcohol just as much as the heartbreak. Keys jingled in my hand. Jamie chased behind me but this time I wasn’t frozen. I chose to run away. This was the hardest test I ever took. Life was the toughest class I ever enrolled in. She caught up to me. “You’re it.” She noticed my tears, wiped them, and removed her ring. Her lips planted tenderly on mine in a way no one ever had before. We smiled together. “You’ve always been it, Riley.” She poked my chest and retreated giddily. She wanted me to chase her. Our drunken game of tag led to a clumsy fall into the street just as an oncoming car approached. The headlights grew bigger with every passing moment.
There was a bright light. What it meant, I’ll never know. The tunnel seemed to go on for an eternity. In reality, it only lasted the blink of an eye.
Blinding fluorescent lights welcomed me in the hospital room as I reached the end of the birth canal. Tiny infant me could never imagine what unfolds from here.
